First post

First post. Hope it's not too long. 

I have long wanted to create this blog to document down my thoughts and feelings before someday I can finally bid farewell with this life.

I like to think I'm a logical, mentally strong individual. But the fact that I resorted to create this blog proves otherwise.

A bit of background, I'm an early male in his 30s. Legally married. But not living with my wife, yet. Our wedding is in two months. It's quite an exciting time with the house renovation and wedding planning. I work as an engineer, was promoted recently and got my pay readjusted to a much fairer rate. Market rate is still like 30% higher but that could be because the demand for my field is hot right now. I'm pretty content with my career. 

Such privileges, and yet here I'm.

Living alone since 18yo, it can give such scary feeling - my fear is to die lonely, without anyone knowing. There is no one to take care of you. You almost do everything on your own, especially the government facing admin stuffs. living alone also creates some habbits. 

Man, I still haven't finished my story but the urge to end already dies down. Another day then. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2022-03-08

We got into another fight today. I was playing game and missed her messages for 2hours. I had told her I was busy working, which was the truth, until i finished the work and started that game. She was super upset. This is not the first time it happened. I feel like a slave to this phone.  She said before that she can't rely on me on the house renovation. Every group chat she replied before I could even look at it. Then it became "you are not interested in this" kind of accusation, or rather, I feel accused of being irresponsive and irresponsible. Similarly, when shopping for funitures, appliances, I go for convenience whereas she will always look for the best deals in town - again, low effort.  I'm a simple man, I don't have many preferences for food, clothing, etc. I thought that would make my life easier. That is until she came along and the way she criticizes me made feel inadequate. I need to be the man that she can "rely on", and dress well, say the...
Read more